you would pick up someone in the library
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
