I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This baby is an asshole
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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