I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
