I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
