I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
