Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
