did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
