i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize