my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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