yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize