im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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