If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
