smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
