Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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