those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
