fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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