Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
