I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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