Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
