we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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