if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
