The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
