I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I could fuck to npr.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
