The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
