my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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