My friends, they love my intelligence
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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