bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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