You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
sex in a hospital.. check
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
