just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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