I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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