its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize