They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he fucked my hip out of place.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
