does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
