I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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