Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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