Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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