I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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