I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
