My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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