Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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