I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
