Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
