just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This house was built for laser tag.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
