Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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