On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
