She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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