Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
