I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
