Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
