Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
