When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's never too late to be topless.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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