That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
