He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
