doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
