If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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