I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize