just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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