I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
