It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
