Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
