There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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