You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
