i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
