Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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