ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
