Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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