ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
