i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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