sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
