There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
