ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
