im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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