he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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