Sry I called you an 8
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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