my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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