You really coming over, don't trick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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