took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
