I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
