is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were destined to go to rehab together
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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