My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How does it feel to date your dad?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
