But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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