I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
