it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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