you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
