Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize