I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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