We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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