we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
