I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
