I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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