everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
