no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
