When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
