i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
