May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
