Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
