She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
