They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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