so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
