so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
