Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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