I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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