i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
